He held out his hand to me. I tilted my head up and his warm gaze met mine. I took in a few big breaths to help calm my beating heart- nervousness flowed throughout my whole body as my pulse quickened. I felt my pulse diminish as I began to accept his presence. His gaze felt so heavy, but gentle. As I studied his being, he cracked a smile to show me that it was alright.
His pale face extenuated his chocolate eyes, so dark yet so welcoming. Dimples deepening the more he smiled. His charming charcoal hair was gelled back, with only a few stray strands curing onto his forehead. His polished hair tucked behind his ears flawlessly- his birthmark rested under his soft right eye. I took his warm hand into mine, as he led me forward. I didn’t mind where too, as long as it was with him. I couldn’t help grinning, delighted that he chose me.
I wasn’t anyone special. Rather, I was just a little flower compared to him – a breathtaking spring garden. He stood out, with his muscular frame and statuesque figure. I didn’t. I was average, but I couldn’t help it. His aura was too addicting that I couldn’t refuse. I took it all in, for as long as I could. Wherever he touched sent sparks throughout my entire being- I felt so high on the adrenaline he emitted. The kindness he displayed made me feel safe, as he was always cautious. He was brilliant, utilizing his intelligence to solve any dilemma he may face.
I clutched his arm tighter, he glanced back for just a moment to check in. Leaving the most magnificent, heartwarming smile behind. The type of smile that made you feel secure, protected. The type of smile that filled your whole being with bliss, euphoria and happiness. The type of smile that whispered to you, “you’re going to be alright, because I’m here now.”
The night was warm, with only a soft breeze brushing the pink cherry blossoms. The delicate flower emitted the sweetest scent as it descended ever so slowly into the springtime air. The air warmed my lungs as I took a breath, leaving behind blossoming happiness as I gradually exhaled. The stars glimmered in the dark sky as I grinned – smothering his hand in both of mine. His firm, yet gentle, hand.
Images:
https://ghibliwatari.tumblr.com/post/190980278750/letting-go-always-starts-something-new
https://jw-webmagazine.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/06/jw-5d1576d59331b9.48614802.jpeg
Dear Amulya,
I thoroughly enjoyed reading your free-write. I loved the sweetness of the piece, the use of imagery was done so well that it like I could feel every description and picture the whole story in my head it was written very well. I liked the use of metaphor in this line “I wasn’t anyone special. Rather, I was just a little flower compared to him – a breathtaking spring garden.” I also liked the use of imagery in this line, ” The night was warm, with only a soft breeze brushing the pink cherry blossoms. The delicate flower emitted the sweetest scent as it descended ever so slowly into the springtime air.”
For improvement, I really can’t think of anything that you should work on I enjoyed every piece of this creation I believe it was so beautifully written.
I look forward to read more of your work in the future!
Sincerely,
Karishma
Dear Karishma,
Thank you for reading my post! I really appreciate you taking the time to read my post and comment, I’m glad you enjoyed it! I hope we get to read more works produced by each other in the future!
Sincerely, Amulya
Dear Amulya,
Wow! To start, I loved the immense amount of detail that you put into this piece. I was eager to read more as the emotion portrayed in this felt so genuine and realistic. One part that intrigued me was the repetition in the fourth paragraph where you repeated “The type…” Each of the sentences built-up tension and energy toward the ending where he says “you’re going to be alright, because I’m here now.” This felt so relieving and I physically felt myself relax when I read that line.
One thing that I would consider is the flow in the second paragraph. I loved the ideas and the imagery was unique but it felt choppy and needed to be more natural. Furthermore, I felt lost trying to navigate and picture the guy because you went from his eyes to mouth to hair and so on. Maybe start from his hair and work down the face so that it would feel more structured.
Again, I loved your piece as I personally related to it. The time and effort put into this is very evident which helped keep me wanting more. I can’t wait to see what you write next!
Sincerely,
Hadlen
Dear Hadlen,
Thank you so much for taking the time to read my post! I will definitely keep your advice in mind for future posts, so thank you for pointing it out! As I now see how keeping a stronger structure would’ve made much more sense. Thank you so much!
Sincerely, Amulya
Dear Amulya,
I really enjoyed reading your free-write. The amount of description you added helped me understand the story better and created images in my head as I read on. I really liked how you described his smile and the sentence, “The type of smile that whispered to you, ‘you’re going to be alright, because I’m here now,'” showed that he was the type of person who you could always feel safe around and all your problems go away. I also liked how you incorporated metaphors into this story and one that really stood out to me was “I wasn’t anyone special. Rather, I was just a little flower compared to him – a breathtaking spring garden.” I think this piece was excellent overall and does not need much improvement.
This piece amazed me and I had a fun time reading it and I hope to see more of your pieces in the future.
Sincerely,
Neha
Dear Neha,
Thank you so much for taking the time to read this piece! I really appreciate it, and I’m glad that you liked it!
Sincerely, Amulya